MARK SMITH MSW ~ RSW

“It has long been recognized that the emotional attachment between spouses is identical to the emotional attachment that each spouse had in his or her family of origin.” – Murray Bowen

Many people struggle to be themselves and experience satisfying relationships. 

Whether it’s just trying to carve out who you are in the world and in the relationship you’re in, it can be hard to be true to yourself or stay on course for yourself, on the one hand, and be for the relationship on the other hand.

If you can’t be present and “show up” how can you have satisfying and meaningful relationships?

It seems as though the emotional equation is that you have to give up relationships if you want to be true to yourself or you have to give up yourself if you want a relationship.

How do you find the balance of being 100% for yourself and 100% for the relationship without simply ending up drawn into harmony… to avoid conflict?

Going for “harmony” and avoiding relationship tension is a central  dynamic in intimate relationships. Rising to the challenge of defining yourself and being present and vulnerable is the gateway to more satisfying relationships.

When one or both partners have trouble doing this, it can lead to symptoms like conflict, one or other emotionally pulling back, problems with intimacy and performance, infidelity, anxiety, depression, health issues or one spouse being over involved with the children… These symptoms are seen to be the problem and interrupt daily living and make it a struggle.