MARK SMITH MSW ~ RSW

First, a definition.

Family Therapy isn’t a term that describes who is in the room. Family Therapy is a terms that refers to “thinking family,” thinking of family as an emotional system.

What this means then is that if an individual or a couple is seeing me, I’m thinking “family,” I’m thinking of you in the context of your family emotional system.

It all begins with family.

Our family shapes us and our sense of ourselves as individuals and we shape our family.  

Perhaps a better way of conceptualizing it is to think of the solar system. Each planet is an individual, but also part of something bigger. Each planetary body can only be fully understood in the context of what is going on in relationship to the other planets and the sun. Each planet is held in a dynamic tension with the other planets and the sun. Each influences the others to one degree or another. It’s predictable to a point. 

Our family is multigenerational and exists over time. Family theory would posit that at any point in time the are three generations of emotional attachment active. 

Perhaps the simplest way to think of it is if I were to think about my actions today and how they are shaped by my parents. Would they approve or disapprove, am I living my life similar to theirs or consciously wanting to be different than them. And then to think that they were in a similar dynamic tension with their parents. does my parenting meet with their approval and how was their parenting conforming or pushing back against how they were parented?

These anxieties are an undercurrent to our day to day life for the most part. Some have family members who actively tell them how they are not measuring up. This tension can lead to symptoms like conflict between them, emotionally pulling back, anxiety, depression, health issues… or other personal problems that interrupt daily living and make it a struggle.